A funny thing happened in Prague

It started at a little gallery in the Old Town, not far from the street full of puppets, not far from the doorway where the stone blokes were wearing stone lion skins. I don't know whether the woman in the gallery was desperate for a sale, or just desperate for someone to talk to, but she was desperate for something. Expressing interest in a rather cute painting called 'Marauders' (or something) in which two dogs played tug-of-war with a typewriter had led to a lengthy but completely uneccessary discussion of how postage costs to the UK were undeniably great value.

I ended up with a handful of brochures that I really didn't want, and finally stumbled out into the cold street. I gazed at the top corner of the opposite building for a while. That is the appropriate thing to do in Prague, as every top corner is flouting some kind of groovy accoutrement that begs for your attention.

I turned around and saw a largish bloke kind of loping towards us down the cobbled street, and immediately got that little tweak of vertigo you get when your contexts unexpectedly go awry. I had the peculiar sensation that my TV screen had just taken on a very impressive big-screen, 3-D kinda quality. Suddenly Law and Order had gone medieval. The lighting was even right.

I swear it was him. Jesse L. Martin. I looked at him. He looked right back. He was looking kinda friendly (I was wearing the green coat: it has that effect), and if I could have only remembered his name at the time, I could have quite happily said hello. I didn't think 'Hi, love your work. Can't remember who you are, but love your work' would quite do the business, though. He looked like he was having a nice day, so gratuitous ego-deflation seemed inappropriate. The Green Coat Magic also completely prevented me from engaging in the sleeve tug and the accompanying 'Look, its the guy from Law and Order' stage-whisper without both spoiling the moment and shamelessly exposing my tragic un-hippness.

As a result, J. kept gazing at rooftops, oblivious. We passed like the proverbial ships, Jesse L's personal space intact, and any chance for independent verification of the sighting lost forever.

I was left assuring J.that yes, I was really, really sure, and wondering whether, if I was just a bit more opportunistic, that little encounter could have been the start of...of ...um...something. The lucrative sale of that unfinished undergraduate (and let's face it shithouse) film script? A sudden, unsought invitation to a glamorous cocktail party teeming with commissioning producers from HBO? One of those out-of-focus'look who I met on my holiday' snaps? Ah, the golden opportunities that slip through your fingers for the want of some good old-fashioned chutzpah!

For the record, its not all a trick of the light. He really is quite handsome.

Information is power: Save the net

Housekeeping

I think you should be able to leave comments without having to sign in, now. Have a go and see if it works.

Ten things I learned in Prague

1) 'Don't cry for me Argentina' sounds rather odd in Czech. The taxi driver seemed to like it, though.

2) It's full of stone people, and most of them are naked. Not naked in an Adam and Eve clothes-haven't-been-thought-of-yet' kinda way, but naked in a 'hey-baby-let's-get-it on', kinda way. No demure draping of sheets for these dudes. Seriously, its wall to wall breasts in this place. In a nice way. Lucky they're made of stone or they would be fucking cold.

3)If you are an English speaker, you should pay attention to your grammar, because there is a good chance that the Prague residents you speak to have better English than you do. (Better than I do, anyway.) We had quite an interesting conversation with the woman running the cloak-room in the Museum of decorative arts, who wanted our advice as to the correct British equivalent of the American 'You're welcome.' We were struggling a bit, but after some discussion settled on 'It's my pleasure', though a little more formal. Meanwhile, I had to take a surreptitious peek in my guide book to even get the Czech word for 'thankyou' right.

4)There is live classicial music to be had right, left and centre. And much of it is free.

5) Little golden pointy stars are de rigeur for your average halo. If wearing stars, stone people are also likely to be wearing clothes (cf. point 2, above).

6) The Time Out city guide is crap.

7) If you are a fan of Art Deco, and Art Nouveau, Prague is the place for you. Decorative arts, architechture, furniture glasswear. Its all there in its stylish glory, happily nestled in amongst the more expected medieval and baroque flourishes.

8) It's a beatiful city, full of very beautiful things. I include in this category a long line of large yellow penguins.

9) The Bohemians were making extraordinarily delicate engraved glasswear at a period in history when, my beloved Scot reminds me, technology in the UK largely consisted of 'struggling to hammer a pair of logs together'. What is even more extraordinary is that it is that many pieces of the aforesaid glasswear is still in one piece. If this is possible, why do I find it impossible to keep a set of six wine glasses intact for more than about six months?

10) You can buy cannabis vodka. And yet, I practically had to wrestle the barman in our hotel to the ground before he would give me any absinthe. Nice girls in nice hotels don't, apparently. I did.

Revisionist editing

I have taken the snowy post with the husky off. Breaks my own rule about revising history, but given that I have spent the last hour on the internet watching my home state burn, both header and the picture seemed disgustingly trite and insensitive.

Hoping for rain and some better news.

People that impress me #2

Hello again. My brother just sent me the link to his latest page, and his latest music. I am so f*cking impressed that I urge you to swing on by. Start with a listen to 'Once was the sea' and go from there, I suggest.

So unfair that we can share so many genes and I got none of the talent!

Enjoy.