Irresistible Istanbul

 Are you Australian? I know these things. I can see. yes, even from way over there, I can see. Your face. Freckles. You need to use my umbrella? But you are getting wet. Very wet today. You are sure? I am going to Sydney soon. An Australian lady I know, she invite me. She lives near the Opera House, I don’t really know if she has money or not, but she invited me. I helped her buy some carpets. For her house. I do carpets.

Anyway, I helped her to buy for the whole house. Sixteen million she said she paid for the place. Though it’s worth 18 now. Anyway, she wants me. Real bad. I know this. That’s okay, why would I mind? Maybe I like it. I’m married though. Not to this one here. She’s my cousin. I give you some advice. You listen to this you will not regret. When you are looking at the carpet, what you do, you ask them to hold a match to the carpet. If they refuse, you know they’re no good. It’s the fibres, you see. Natural fibres, they won’t burn. If it burns, its not good fabric. If its good, they won’t mind.

My pleasure, my pleasure, I am happy to help. You leave this place, you want to take something of quality with you. We’re Turkish. Well, I live in America, in L.A., but I’m Turkish. I’m here to buy carpets. Sellf or, say $7,000 in US, buy for 2-3000 here. I have a shop just down the road. Anyway, this Australian lady, she rings me up and says hey, why don’t you come and stay with me for a while? I say, thankyou, sure. Can my wife come too? She says Oh my god you have a wife? She really wanted me, you see, and she didn’t know.

But she’s a nice lady, so she says, okay, if that’s how it is. Bring your wife. So I will see where she put all those carpets I helped her with. I think she was a bit disappointed, because she really wanted me. Women want me all the time. You know why? It is because I am quite a sensual person. They can see that and they respond. Hey, I’m not complaining.

I’m just here to meet some American friends, show them around. I must go soon and meet them. But yes, women they are always chasing after me. Never leave me alone. Even lesbians. You know about lesbians? I tell you a story. I met this woman and her girlfriend. You tell them. Go on. Tell them. You tell them. It is better.

No, no, no. That’s not right. I’ll tell them. I’ll take it from here. I’ll tell it now. This one she is all over me, you know, oh your so great, I want you so much, you’re so sexy, you know, and I’m just saying hey, I’m married and she’s well that’s no big deal we can just have some fun. And I’m like, you are serious? You are telling me you never in your life have been with a man and you want to be with me? And she’s saying , yeah, I never been with a man but I want to be with you. So that was okay, but I say no.

But they beg me, you know, they saying come on, come on, it will be fun. But I am married, so no. Anyway, a couple of days later, the girlfriend rings me up and you know what she says? She’s begging me, she’s saying please come and sleep with us, me and my girlfriend, we can do it all together, you have to do this for us, and I’m saying no, no, I’m married and she goes on and on and you know what? Then she says but you have to. You have to sleep with my girlfriend. We want to have your baby. I’m not kidding. Can you believe it? This is how much they want me.

What? They just want me for my what? DNA? That’s um…my…Anyway, I must go and meet my friends from America. They are waiting just up at the gate for me. But they beg me, you know, They saying come on, come on, it will be fun. Of course I say no. But this is what I mean, you see, women and me. They just can’t resist.

Why? Well, who am I to say. You are a women….you can see. Something about me, maybe. The way I look. I mean, look at me. Look at this. I know I am not very tall, but I am strong. You don’t need height if you have a good solid frame, you know. Muscular, I am. Its because I look after myself. The women can see that. They respect it. They like it. You know what I think it is? It’s the way I move. Yes, its because I dance. I am a dancer. No, really. A very good dancer. You may not see it from my shape, but women, they can see it in the way I move.

But I must go and meet my friends. They will be waiting. So you are only in Istanbul for a few days? Then where? Bursa? You will take the ferry? Very good. Inegoll. Yes. Inegoll. I know it.Good meatballs. Yes, Inegoll is famous for the meatballs. So you will need to talk to someone you can trust about the carpets. Just to learn. I must go and meet my friends. From America. But my cousin here, she can take you to the showroom, its just round the corner. Ten minutes. Less. Five. You can have a look, she will explain everything. It will be nice. Have some tea. Have you tried Turkey tea yet?

It is just around the corner. Why not? No harm in looking. She will explain everything you need to know. Go with my cousin and she will show you. Nice things no rubbish. You can hold a match. Best rugs in all Turkey. My friends will be waiting for me now, but it will be no trouble, really. No really. Really.

No, I don’t know the best place for halva. Halva you get anywhere. There is no money in halva.

Lesbians.